When it comes to love, the majority of us simultaneously feel as though we are experts and have no idea what we are doing. Carrie Jenkins is a writer and philosophy professor who explores the philosophy behind love and the impact of socially constructed romantic love.

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Love is a subjective experience, and it is only by combining the theories of love as biology, phenomenology, chemistry, and magic that we can begin to piece together the puzzle of this conscious experience. Instead of thinking of love as a winning or losing game, or something that you are failing at, Carrie argues that love is a deliberate act that anyone can be a part of.

Instead of putting the fairytale of romantic love on a pedestal, Carrie works to open up the guidelines in which we treat love in all realms of our lives. By putting the same status on other relationships in our lives, not just that of romance, you can separate the connection between romance and attachment to find the version of love that best suits you right now. 

Combining science and philosophy to find the answers to the questions not fully understandable to us yet, Carrie is shining a light on the power of love and why you should stop romanticizing romance. How has the social construct around love and romance impacted your relationship with yourself and others? Share with us in the comments below. 


In This Episode

  • Explore the social construct of romantic love and the status it holds in society
  • Decipher the biological, chemical, social and magical aspects of love 
  • How to take control of your emotional life and be intentional with your relationships
  • Tips to dismiss the romanticized fairytale of love and find what works for you
  • Evaluate the origins of the word romance and its social implications



“Were all in the same boat in this, nobody has a pact definition of love, and I am actually quite suspicious of people who say that they do.” (4:22)

“Just because there are hormones, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a conscious experience here. Someone living through the things. The real trick is not to try to choose between those, but to see how they could both be true at the same time. Then well really understand it.” (10:41)

“The problem with the romantic bit of romantic love is that we put that one kind of great life on a pedestal. And we said ‘that’s the really good life, and everything else is at best a kind of approximation, and if you don’t measure up to the idea, maybe you did your best or you kind of failed’.” (16:47)

“At some point, we have to start asking the question, am I really doing something wrong? Or is the message wrong or just not right for me?” (19:43)

“Reality never looks like the fairy story, never has and never will, and yet we all hold ourselves to that as an ideal.” (25:02)

“There are so many ways that the story can go, it’s not fair on us that we only tell ourselves the one story, there are so many good stories.” (35:03)



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What Love Is and What It Could Be by Carrie Jenkins

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