Dr. Katie Hendricks, Phd
What is ‘swoon quotient’?
*Swoon quotient: the felt experience of gratitude, intimacy, appreciation and sexual feelings all swirling together, or, the tendency to almost fall over in bliss being around your mate.
Recently I came back from errands and met Gay in the kitchen. When we hugged and kissed hello I noticed a wave of bliss/streaming/expansion rush up the front of my body and take me into light swooning. After 35 years of being together, I felt delighted that swooning still occurs regularly and reliably. I wanted to immediately clone the precursors to share with others. Here are some moves that really work to answer this question:
How can you ignite, maintain and/or reawaken a higher swoon quotient in your love partnerships?
- Commit to expanding your ability to give and receive (especially receive) more love and positive attention every day. Why receiving? We’ve found that most people are more experienced at giving and feel somewhere between awkward and ashamed to receive. People get training early on that receiving is selfish and wrong. That training makes us forget that receiving is a gift to the person giving. Our reception makes it possible for another to connect with appreciation and abundance. We consider expanding giving and receiving love the one problem in relationship and life that makes everything else worthwhile.
- Make your connection with your mate your highest priority. Anything having to do with feeling the flow of love and intimacy trumps everything else, especially the daily stuff that’s always going on (e.g., light bulbs to replace…) When Gay says, “Hey, Katie…” I turn my full presence toward him and get ready to receive the gift of his attention, no matter what the content. When I have something to share with Gay, he stops what he’s doing to give me his full awareness (which is full, believe me!). If the time isn’t convenient (e.g., he’s not home), I text, email or call to let him know I have something to share, and then I complete the communication when we see each other in person.
- Lead with appreciation, always and all ways. I look at Gay through a lens of appreciation, and usually the first thing out my mouth is a current appreciation, something I notice in the moment that excites, charms or expands my joy. You can choose the lens through which you view your partner, and appreciation is the most magical. Our new book Conscious Loving Ever After expands and customizes your appreciation vocabulary.
- Reveal, reveal, reveal. Authenticity is the most powerful aphrodisiac and increases your swoon quotient immediately. It’s not what you share, it’s THAT you share. Opening your throat opens your whole energy system and can peg your swoon quotient in the most delightful way.
As the philosopher Tasso said, “Any time not spent on love is wasted.” Swoon!
Relationship experts Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D., have been married 34 years, worked together for 30 years, and authored over 30 books, including their bestselling, Conscious Loving. They have made it their life’s work to help people create healthy, thriving love relationships, and in their groundbreaking new book, Conscious Loving Ever After, they set their sights on supporting those in midlife and beyond in committing and recommitting to relationship wellness. Learn more at www.HeartsInTrueHarmony.com.