It’s important to have the support of family and friends when we are struggling. It’s the people who know us most intimately that encourage us to do better, to make necessary changes to improve our health, our happiness. It’s also important to have people to inspire us when we actually start making those improvements. When we start to lose the weight. Build the muscle, get organized, quit smoking or drinking.
When People Aren’t Happy for You
But some people will be afraid. Some won’t be ready for the changes that are coming. Some may sabotage you by inviting you to participate in behaviors you’re choosing to modify. Others may make fun of you saying, “Yuck how can you eat that??”
Some will drop you…I had someone unfriend me from Facebook and ignore all my texts when I started getting happy.
Some will gossip and speak badly of you to others.
This is all an effort to bring you down, to look away from their shame of not doing their own work.
Instead of being inspired by you, they feel bad, afraid.
This can feel painful.
It can feel like rejection.
“What triggers envy on Social Network Sites?”
It’s sadly a thing for people to feel bad about the success of others. One study titled, “What triggers envy on Social Network Sites?” A comparison between shared experiential and material purchases https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5990704/ examined envy in two scenarios. One is envy of others’ material purchases, and the other is envy towards the experiences of others:
‘Envy is the emotion that “arises when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it” (Parrott & Smith, 1993). The concept of envy involves two parties: the envier (who is in the inferior position) and the envied person (who possesses the envied object). The emotion envy has important consequences. First, envy feels negative and contains feelings of frustration (Smith & Kim, 2007). Second, feeling envious can be detrimental for the relationship with the envied person, as envy can lead to negative behavior towards the person being envied (such as gossiping, Wert & Salovey, 2004).’
Positive experiences shared on Facebook
Research has found that positive experiences shared on Facebook for example trigger more intense envy than material object purchases do. “It seems we are more envious about what people accomplish or do rather than what they have. Research also found that the more important someone else’s accomplishment is to one’s own identity, the more likely it is to trigger envy.” (Salovey & Rodin, 1991)
The Importance of Choosing You
But it’s important to choose you and your best behavior over their bad behavior in exchange for their company.
Think of it as epigenetic.
Epigenetics was discovered when researchers, like Bruce Lipton, put a cell in another medium, another environment; it changed the behavior of the cells. It determined what kind of tissue the cell became. It altered how it expressed itself.
The environment you immerse yourself in alters who you become.
So…Think of it this way…When you think about people you care about leaving, rejecting or not supporting you becoming your best self, it’s kind of like natural selection.
I have several lemon trees in my backyard. Once in awhile a branch full of blossoms will just drop off. It’s called self pruning when a tree sheds a dead branch. This occurs in nature when a tree is in a dense stand, and its lower limbs don’t receive enough sunlight to survive.
Think about that. Not receiving enough sunlight to survive.
Who’s blocking your sun?
Who’s inhibiting your blooming and becoming the luscious fruit? You will know them by their fruit. By what you produce. By what you do and become, more than what you say.
When faced with a situation of people not supporting your brave acts of self love, which is what making positive changes for your health in mind and body really is, there are some ways to prepare.
Prepare to love yourself – start here:
- Set the expectations, ’Hey, I’m really excited because…and I could really use your support as I begin this journey.’
- Don’t fall for the guilt. You should only feel guilty for doing something wrong to others, not for doing good for yourself.
- Arm yourself against temptation, recognize when others try to take you off course in the name of pleasure or fun.
- Be open with others, ‘I feel like you’re not on board with what I’m doing; can we talk about it?’
- If they continue to fall away, focus on the extra sunlight in your space and not the fact that a branch has fallen. Now you can focus on your growth.
- Forgive. They are on their own journey and your achievements may serve to inspire them toward their best.
Has this ever happened to you?
I’d love to hear about it! Write a review in iTunes and if I read it on air I’ll send you a copy of The Heart Revolution, a interview series on healing and following your heart.
Follow me on Facebook at Razi Berry and join us at Love is Medicine to explore the convergence of love and health.
Photo by Julia Caesar on Unsplash
Razi Berry is the founder and publisher of the journal Naturopathic Doctor News & Review, which has been in print since 2005, and the premier consumer-faced website of naturopathic medicine, NaturalPath. She is the host of The Natural Cancer Prevention Summit and The Heart Revolution-Heal, Empower and Follow Your Heart, and the popular 10 week Sugar Free Summer program. From a near death experience as a young girl that healed her failing heart, to later overcoming infertility and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia through naturopathic medicine, Razi has lived the mind/body healing paradigm. Her projects uniquely capture the tradition and philosophy of naturopathy: The healing power of nature, the vital life force in every living thing and the undeniable role that science and mind/body medicine have in creating health and overcoming dis-ease. Follow Razi on Facebook at Razi Berry , join her Love is Medicine group to explore the convergence of love and health, and find more Love is Medicine podcast episodes here.